You Good-for-Nothing Quartet Read online

  Copyright

  Konosuba: God’s Blessing on This Wonderful World!, Vol. 4

  NATSUME AKATSUKI

  Translation by Kevin Steinbach

  Cover art by Kurone Mishima

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  KONO SUBARASHII SEKAI NI SHUKUFUKU WO!, Volume 4: NAMAKURA QUARTETTO

  Copyright © 2014 Natsume Akatsuki, Kurone Mishima

  First published in Japan in 2014 by KADOKAWA CORPORATION, Tokyo.

  English translation rights arranged with KADOKAWA CORPORATION, Tokyo, through TUTTLE-MORI AGENCY, INC., Tokyo.

  English translation © 2017 by Yen Press, LLC

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  First Yen On Edition: December 2017

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Akatsuki, Natsume, author. | Mishima, Kurone, 1991– illustrator. | Steinbach, Kevin, translator.

  Title: Konosuba, God’s blessing on this wonderful world! / Natsume Akatsuki ; illustration by Kurone Mishima ; translation by Kevin Steinbach.

  Other titles: Kono subarashi sekai ni shukufuku wo. English

  Description: First Yen On edition. | New York, NY : Yen On, 2017– Contents: v. 1. Oh! my useless goddess!—v. 2. Love, witches & other delusions!—v. 3. You’re being summoned, darkness—v. 4. You good-for-nothing quartet

  Identifiers: LCCN 2016052009 | ISBN 9780316553377 (v. 1 : paperback) | ISBN 9780316468701 (v. 2 : paperback) | ISBN 9780316468732 (v. 3 : paperback) | ISBN 9780316468763 (v. 4 : paperback)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Fantasy. | Future life—Fiction. | Adventure and adventurers—Fiction. | BISAC: FICTION / Fantasy / General.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.A38 Ko 2017 | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016052009

  ISBNs: 978-0-316-46876-3 (paperback) 978-0-316-46877-0 (ebook)

  E3-20171123-JV-PC

  Prologue

  The gentle glow of the hearth fire warmed my soul just to look at it.

  I was watching it from the couch, lounging in a fur robe.

  With an elegant motion, a hand offered me a teacup as I gazed at the fire.

  “I made a cup of the finest black tea, Kazuma, my friend,” Aqua said as I took it from her and she sat down beside me.

  I took a sip…

  “…This is just hot water.”

  “Oh my. What a silly thing I’ve done. I’m sorry, dear Kazuma.”

  “No worries. You can just try again. Thank you, Aqua. I’m happy with this.”

  I recalled that Aqua naturally purified any liquid she touched, whether she meant to or not. She must have accidentally turned the tea into plain water while she was preparing it.

  But I was too relaxed to be upset about it.

  The boiled water warmed my body from the inside out.

  Ahhh. Peace and quiet.

  What a pleasant life a person could live when they had plenty of money.

  I smiled over at Aqua, who was reading a book entitled Even a Goblin Can Learn Celebrity Lingo!

  I put the second cup of tea from Aqua to my lips.

  …Hot water again. Oh well. Far be it from me to let such a minor thing get under my skin.

  Chapter 1

  May We Bid Farewell to This Troublesome Physical World!

  1

  Spring.

  The season when the snow melts and all the adventurers who have shut themselves indoors come out again.

  Monsters roam free once more. It’s a season of flourishing.

  And—

  “No way! Uh-uh! It’s still cold outside! What’s wrong with you? Are you both stupid? There’s still snow on the ground—why are you in such a hurry to go outside? Are you children? Are you little kids who wanna go play in the snow? If you’re that eager, then you two go have at it!”

  —it’s the season when the warmth makes everyone a little, well, balmy.

  Yes, it was spring, but there was still snow around town.

  Aqua clung desperately to the couch as Darkness and Megumin struggled to peel her off it.

  As monsters were emerging from hibernation, they felt it was time to go on a quest. Aqua had vehement objections, based largely on the temperature.

  “Who is being a child here? I believe it is you, Aqua! Come on, we’re going! You spent all winter lazing about. It’s time to start moving again. Or else—”

  “Frogs and all kinds of other monsters are starting to show up outside town. Word is, they’re damaging the farms. It’s our duty as adventurers to protect the people! H-hey! Aqua! Let go already! Or else—”

  Megumin and Darkness kept glancing at me as they talked.

  ““—you(’ll/will) end up like that,”” they finished together.

  Aqua fearfully turned to look at me.

  “I guess I don’t want that… But why not do something about that worthless lump before worrying about me?” Despite her conflicted expression, her words were blunt and rude.

  “Hey, you three. I’m pretty good-natured, but I’ll only put up with so much. Where do you get off calling a guy ‘like that’ and ‘worthless lump’ and whatever?”

  “If you don’t like it, start by coming out of there,” Aqua shot back, still clinging to the sofa.

  I had no intention of doing something so stupid, not when it was this freaking cold, so I just burrowed down further.

  Under the blanket of Japan’s ultimate anti-chill weapon, the heated kotatsu table.

  We’d gotten back to town after defeating Vanir, general of the Demon King’s army.

  There, we found the demon perfectly alive and working in Wiz’s shop. He’d made a grim prediction for Darkness and talked to me about the best ways to make some money.

  Specifically, the plan involved large-scale sales of items from my original world. I would develop the goods, and he would handle mass production and distribution.

  I’d been considering the venture myself for a while, and it seemed like easy cash, so at Vanir’s suggestion, I was going to spend the idle winter days coming up with products, but…

  “…Kazuma, enough is enough. Get out of there already. You are setting a bad example for Aqua. We know how smart you are, and we acknowledge the superiority of the heating devices of your land. But the snow will be melting outside soon. Is it not time to resume our activities?”

  I had become a complete kotatsu potato. Megumin was bending toward me with a gentle smile and a tone that suggested she was talking to a selfish child.

  “She’s right, Kazuma. I agree we were greatly indebted to your ‘kotatsu’ over the winter. But surely things are better now. Come on, work with me again, like you did in that dungeon. Let’s…”

  Darkness was wearing the same expression as Megumin. Slowly, they reached out for the blanket keeping in the warmth under my kotatsu…

  I targeted the defenseless nape of Darkness’s neck and intoned:

  “Freeze!”

  “Eyow!” She yelped at the unexpected blast of ice running down her back.

  Maybe ice magic really w
as stronger this time of the year, because Darkness collapsed onto the blanket, rubbing her neck and shivering.

  “H-he’s fighting back! Kazuma, that is enough already! I know we’re not in debt anymore, but lazy is lazy! Come on—we’re going! Hey, what are you doing with that hand? No more resisting. Just come with uuuusssss!”

  As Megumin reached out to drag me from the kotatsu, I simply grabbed her hand and applied Drain Touch.

  She screamed and batted at my hand as I absorbed her HP and MP.

  In her haste to scramble away, Megumin ended up doing a backward somersault on the carpet.

  So there was Darkness, still holding her neck and shivering, and Megumin, pressing her hands to her head where she must have bumped it during her tumble. I said to them sotto voce:

  “Don’t underestimate me. I know what you take me for, but I’ve contended with infamous bounties and Demon King’s generals and come out on top. You think I can’t handle a lackadaisical Crusader and a quasi-Arch-wizard? Go get some levels and try again.”

  By now, only my head was poking out from under the table.

  “…Looks like Kazuma’s made himself a force to be reckoned with, with all his little skills. Personally, I don’t care if he never comes out of there. Then I don’t have to fight anyone for my special spot in front of the fire,” Aqua informed the others from the sofa.

  They both stood up with tears beading in their eyes and shot venomous glances at me.

  Well, they could look at me however they liked. I wasn’t in the mood to cave to anybody right now.

  In this cold, I wasn’t about to go—

  Uh-oh.

  “Guys, I’m in trouble. This is an emergency. I need to go to the bathroom, like, really bad. I know it’s a lot to ask, but how about we call a quick truce? I need you two to grab the mat under the kotatsu and carry it over to the toilet.”

  I cast some magic on the heating element under the table with me as I talked. That was how it generated warmth. If I got out from under the blanket, the flow of MP would stop while I was away, meaning my warm pocket would start to cool off.

  Happily, since I had just drained some magic from Megumin, I was in no danger of running out.

  I had assumed the two of them would be angry, but they simply exchanged a glance and then, to my surprise, did exactly as I asked.

  Megumin grabbed the front end of the mat under my haven. “Take the other side, please. We will throw this man outside, kotatsu and all.”

  “Sounds good. Aqua, I know you don’t want to leave the fire, but could you give us a hand here? Just open the door for us.”

  “S-stoppit! Don’t you have an ounce of sympathy for your fellow man?! Hey, stop—! If you take another step, I’ll use Steal on you! I’ll do it!”

  I had discovered that no other skill intimidated women so much.

  But Megumin merely sniffed at my threats.

  “Have we not already shared a bath together? What could you steal that could possibly embarrass me now? More to the point, if you deliberately steal my panties, I presume you will well and truly be known as a lover of ‘jailbait.’”

  S-so the worm has turned!

  Where did she find the nerve? When did she get so sure of herself?

  “Y-you’ve seen me naked, too. I’ve even washed your back. So I’m not afraid of any S— Any St— Errgh…” Darkness tried to imitate Megumin’s show of defiance but seemed considerably less confident.

  “All right! Let’s take this worthless hikikomori lump and dump him outside!”

  “Stop! Wait! W-we can talk! I-I’ve got it! When it gets a little warmer, I’ll help you do two explosions a day! I’ll use Drain Touch to take Aqua’s MP, and you’ll get one extra blast every day!”

  That got a twitch out of Megumin, but Aqua had some objections.

  “No way! Why should I share my precious, sacred MP for something stupid like that? I’ll have you know that my magic comes from the profound faith of my Axis Church followers. They’re my followers, and this is my magic! If you think I’m going to let you use Drain Touch on me again…!”

  “You can just ignore her. I promise I’ll get you that magic!”

  “Ohhh… Two explosions a day… Two explosions…”

  “Ohhh… Steal… Steal… No! There’s always a chance he might not get my panties on the first try…”

  Aqua was whining, and Megumin and Darkness were fretting to themselves. Just another morning.

  “Mr. Satou! Mr. Satou, are you there?!”

  Suddenly, a furious pounding sounded at our door.

  2

  Who was it but Sena, the prosecutor who had dubbed me a criminal and even gone so far as to take me to trial.

  “Mr. Satou, this is terrible! There are Lizard Runners outside town…and…”

  She burst in, her face pale, but she sounded less pleased by the moment when she spotted me buried under the kotatsu with only my head sticking out.

  It wasn’t long before her panicked tone had reverted to the one she had used when she was trying to wring a confession out of me.

  “May I ask what exactly you’re doing…?”

  “I believe it’s obvious. I’m staying warm on a cold day. Oh, speaking of which, could you close the door?”

  Sena heaved a sigh and complied.

  “…Mr. Satou. You’ve defeated no less than two of the Demon King’s generals and even brought down a major bounty head. I hold a rather high opinion of you, and I do respect you, but…”

  Gosh, I don’t like where this is going. All because I wanted to keep warm in my kotatsu.

  “You can safely ignore him. You must have had some reason for showing up here in such a hurry,” Darkness said.

  “Oh, that’s right! Monsters called Lizard Runners are swarming the area at this moment. Every adventurer in town is trying to get rid of them. Normally, they’re not terribly dangerous, but…it seems enough of them were in heat at once to produce a Lizard Runner princess!”

  According to Sena, every year around this time, the “Lizard Runners” had their mating season. These monsters were bipedal herbivores who normally posed no real threat to anyone. But the moment a large female known as a “Princess Runner” was born, the creatures immediately became a menace.

  Princess Runners gathered more and more Lizard Runners to themselves until a fight to mate with the Princess broke out within the herd.

  And the way they fought was very unique…

  —They sprinted.

  Short distances, incredible speeds.

  They were like those frilled lizards everyone used to be so into.

  And they didn’t test themselves against other members of their own species. Instead, they’d seek out fleet-footed members of other species and challenge them to races. And leave them in the dust, of course.

  The lizard that won the most challenges would get to mate with the Princess and become the King Runner, the leader of the whole herd.

  Granted, you could quibble about the nomenclature. Like, if the guy becomes a King Runner, why isn’t the female called a Queen Runner? But I think the real loser in that argument would be whoever even bothered to engage in the conversation.

  Hearing about these bizarre life-forms was enough to make me sick of this world all over again, but to people who rode on horses and dragons and birds, this problem had everything to do with them.

  These normally placid Lizard Runners were going to want challengers, and when they did, they would fearlessly approach whatever they intended to challenge—be it a horse or a dragon—and give it a kick to get it going. Then they would set off as fast as they could.

  Lizard Runners had a powerful kick, capable of breaking bones and worse.

  And now that a Princess Runner had appeared, the Guild was very interested in thinning out the herd as quickly as possible…

  “And that’s why I’m here, Mr. Satou!”

  Sena was gleefully grinning at me.

  …Not that I had any idea why. “I’m af
raid I still don’t really understand your reasoning. The Guild already put out a quest, right? Why come to me personally? Someone will take care of it.”

  “What are you talking about, Mr. Satou? As I recall, when we were faced with a dungeon, home to one of the Demon King’s generals, you said, ‘We have to protect the people of the town. That’s an adventurer’s duty.’”

  D-did I say something that cool? …Come to think of it, I guess I did.

  “Good luck getting that NEET to do anything. Now that he’s paid off his debt and wallowing in cash, I don’t think he’s even going to move till he needs money again,” Aqua called, not sparing me a glance from her place by the fire. “Well, Kazuma does have the lowest level of any of us. I don’t blame him for being scared.”

  She didn’t have to add that…

  “Hey, since when do I have the lowest level? Aqua, you’re… Well, okay, I know your level’s pretty high after taking out all those undead. But Megumin’s…”

  “Level 26.”

  Megumin showed me her Adventurer’s Card with a triumphant look.

  “…When did that happen?”

  “I eliminated both Destroyer and the Demon King’s general Vanir. Not to mention I am often the one who must clean up lesser monsters. Naturally, my level was eventually going to go up.”

  Seriously?

  And with such a high level, she must have gained a fair number of skill points. But I was sure she had just dumped them all into skills that would boost the power of her Explosion spell.

  But there was still one person whose level was lower than mine.

  “What about Darkness? Her attacks never hit, so that must make it hard to gain levels. I’m sure you don’t need me to come out and personally deal with your Lizard Runners or whatever. We should let Darkness go farm some experience…”

  “Heh,” Darkness snorted.

  Then, with no small amount of pride, she shoved her card under my nose.

  “You might recall that I was almost solely responsible for getting rid of Vanir’s magical dolls. And they gave experience in proportion to the danger they would pose to a normal person…!”